The time that passes [Why do our babies have to grow so quickly?]
I blinked.
A moment. A breath.
That’s how long it feels; how quickly the time passed.
As if that’s all it took to go from a hospital stay with a newborn baby refusing to sleep anywhere but my arms to a one year old who hardly wants to remain immobile at all.
The details of the last year are so close, but so far away; as if it were a dream. I remember some events so clearly, yet the time as a whole seems a blur.
As if I blinked and a year had come and gone. But I know I didn’t miss any of it. I was wholly there. Every feed, nap, diaper change, nighttime wake-up, and milestone; I was front and center for it all.
This type of missing something is not tinged with guilt (not too much, anyway). I know I did my best and gave all I could and then some over the past year. This is nostalgia; wishing I could go back and relive each sweet second, to embrace the moments a little closer.
There’s a bittersweet truth to it all. Our babies grow. And what a blessing that is to behold, even as that growth holds a sprinkle of sadness for us. Not a terrible sadness, for there is immeasurable joy too. Just a little bit of grief over missing the version of our baby that seems to have only popped in for a quick hello.
Of course, some of those moments don’t feel like they went by as quickly as others. Some seasons felt as if they would have to be endlessly endured forever. But as we now know, that wasn’t what would come to pass. The tough times would cease all the same as the easy (easier perhaps, is anytime truly easy?). Hopefully we can look back with a laugh and recall even the difficult times fondly for in the grand scheme of life, it was only a breath.
It doesn’t appear to make a difference if it’s one year or five. I miss them; each little version of them that I got to learn and love. Each stage I walk through and grow with them. I’ll never get that “them” back and that truth gets harder to face as they get older.
We’re told over and over again to embrace every moment of parenting because the moments don’t last. That is sage advice that we would all be a little wiser to live by.
I try with all my might to remember it often. To memorize the details of their precious faces, hear their sweet voices and adorable mispronunciations. Soak in still being called “mama’ and “mommy” before I inevitably become “mom” like so many of my friends with older children.
We want our children to grow into happy, healthy adults. We pray ceaselessly for their lifetime well-being. The delight and triumph that fills our hearts as each milestone is achieved is blended with a small measure of sentimental sorrow. Even as we have blessedly been a part of every bit of it.
There is no problem or solution to this post; just a relating solidarity to all the parents past and present who have felt similarly to me right now.
I’ll end with a prayer.
God,
Please let me be fully present for each stage of my babies’ childhood. No matter how difficult times may get, please let me remain engaged. Let my times of survival mode be minimal and keep me grounded in You, Lord, giving any and all worries and burdens to You to selflessly carry for me so that I may remain mindfully here for my children. Please let them grow healthy and happy. Guide their paths every step of the way. I praise your goodness Lord. You have always been good and always will be.
In Jesus’ name, I pray.
Amen.
